One kind of queer is no less than another kind, and all need an equal platform for being heard and celebrated. You are finding partners who are okay with you being a gay man. Look into outlets for other trans men who will not only be comfortable with all of your identities, but who will also genuinely connect to your experiences. There are bi and pansexual men who aren’t attracted to only one gender/sex and can be completely and totally into every part of who you are.
You shouldn’t have to feel afraid of disclosing your identity and truth in order to find love/sex/companionship. Laura, I hear people in the queer community talk about being “tops” or “bottoms” and feeling very strongly about which one they are.
Dear Multifaceted Marvel, Thank you for offering such a profound and important question that we certainly don’t talk enough about as a community.
You are definitely not alone in your pondering of how to navigate more than one queer identity.
Well, good for those people—most of us hate these emotionally and financially draining ordeals. Now add in our many identities: gender, race, religion, economic status, abilities, disabilities, and sexual orientation further complicate what is inherently a difficult process.
Let’s discuss why this is—and some possibilities for navigating it successfully.
This is terrible for women, for bottoms, and for everyone else involved.
Whether a person enjoys the physical positioning of being on the bottom or top in a sexual encounter (and whether they separately enjoy a more dominant or submissive role) does not make that person better/worse, more masculine/feminine, or weaker/stronger than the other.
What do you do when your community only accepts half of who you are?
As if relationships weren’t difficult enough to navigate already, I can’t seem to figure out how to navigate the intersection of my identity with potential partners—everything tends to come to a screeching halt when I mention being trans.